For many marriages in a crisis, one of the common patterns that likely contributed to the situation is that of not being able to handle conflict effectively. And that starts with being able to talk calmly. When it comes to saving marriage advice, the following is some excellent advice on how to have difficult conversations with your spouse without damaging your relationship in the process.
Couples who get caught up in yelling, name calling, venting or verbally attacking each other inevitably wind up in divorce court. Read further for ways to talk to each other without losing control.
Decide up front what you want to accomplish by talking. Do you just want to allow each person to express feelings? Do you want to come up with a solution? It helps to have a goal before you start when it is a difficult topic.
Avoid blame. Learning to not get caught up in blame is sound save marriage advice regardless of the situation. Blame accomplishes nothing and is always destructive. Make steering clear of blame one of the rules for your conversations.
Allow for timeouts. When you are discussing painful or difficult topics, it is inevitable that someone is going to feel the need to react at some point. Rather than staying in the conversation until that happens, be willing to take a time out to cool down. And be willing to let your spouse do the same thing when needed. This will prevent the conversation from escalating into a full blown fight in which hurtful things end up being said. This is also very good save marriage advice to follow when emotions run high.
Don’t get caught up in being “right”. In many situations, neither person is right or wrong. But if one of you insists on being right, it will quickly turn into a futile conversation.
Allow each other to speak without interrupting. When you interrupt someone who is talking, you are basically giving the message that what you have to say is far more important than whatever the other person is saying. A lot of people have this bad habit when they talk. And it is very disrespectful. It is very good save marriage advice to work towards really allowing each other to speak and be heard. Catch yourself when you start to interrupt. With practice, this is a bad habit both of you can break.
Accept that you won’t always agree on everything. This is definitely very wise save marriage advice! No two people in the world, no matter how much they love each other, are always going to agree. The sooner you can accept that in your marriage, the better all your conversations will be, especially the difficult ones. Also, it will show a lot of respect for your partner if you allow him or her to have an opinion that is different to yours. That is part of recognizing that he is a separate person with his own unique perspective.
The last piece of good save marriage advice for having difficult conversations is to avoid all-or-nothing types of statements. When you start using extreme words such as “never” or “always” you are just getting yourself into hot water. Catch yourself when you use one of the words and revise the statement. You will save both yourself and your spouse a lot of grief when you remember that there is a lot in between those two extremes.