How to save a marriage from marital problems does require much. You probably never thought it would happen to you, but you found yourself in the marital mess. How to save a marriage from being torn to pieces can a daunting task, especially if a party is not willing to work things out.
Writing from personal experience. It is not an easy task to bring back the spark once it’s lost. Just when you taught everything is in order, it starts to fall apart. To save a marriage you need to know why it happened in the first place. Once you locate the source of the problem, you’ll find a way to solve it. You need to know WHY it happened. When you know WHY then you’ll know HOW to solve the riddle.
Stop everything you have been trying and pay close attention to these actionable, tested and proven advice right now. The littlest portion of this advice can save your marriage from destruction. Just before we discuss ways to fix your marriage, let’s talk about some reasons why marital problems occur, and how to solve the problem. Let’s get started, shall we?
Top 6 Reasons For Marriage Problems And Divorce
Marriage problems could be because of so many reasons. In the United States, researchers estimated that 40%–50% of all first marriages, and 60% of second marriages, will end in divorce. (Marriage and divorce statistics)The most pronounced reason for divorces are explained below:
1. Early Marriage
Early Marriage at a very young age increases the likelihood of divorce, especially in the early years of marriage. Those who marry in their teens have much higher divorce rates. By about age 21 or 22, however, that risk goes down dramatically. Utahns in the United States do tend to marry young compared to the national average. Those who delay marriage until their 20s are probably more mature and able to make better marriage decisions and handle the challenges of married life better than those who marry in their teens.
2. Less Education
Researchers have estimated that individuals who have some college education (vs. not finishing high school) have a lower chance of divorce. Apparently, investing in education is a good way to build a foundation for a better marriage, not just a better job.
Lesser income is closely related to little or no education. Researchers have estimated that individuals with annual incomes of more than $50,000 have a lower chance of divorce (compared to individuals with annual incomes less than $25,000). Finances can be stressful. Apparently having at least a modest income can help couples avoid stresses that can lead to divorce.
4. Living Together Before Marriage
Couples who live together before marriage appear to have a much higher chance of divorce if they marry. However, this risk is mostly for those who live together with more than one partner. Most only live together with one partner (whom they later marry) and these couples don’t seem to be at a lot greater risk for divorce. The idea that living together before marriage increases your risk for divorce goes against a lot of common beliefs that it is a good way to get to know each other better and prepare for marriage. Living together may be a way to get to know each other better, but other things about living together apparently do not help—and even hurt—your chances for a successful marriage, especially if you live together with several people before marrying.
5. Lack of Self-Confidence
Researchers have found that some personality factors put people at more risk for divorce. One of the most important is feeling insecure about yourself and your self-worth. Insecure individuals are more likely to become divorced. Use this magic of making up to build your self-confidence and get your Ex back, if you wish.
Abuse can also contribute to a divorce. To save a marriage from divorce because of abuse is a bit hard, if not impossible sometimes. According to the The National Domestic Violence Hotline, you may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner:
- Calls you names, insults you, or continually
- Criticizes you.
- Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive.
- Tries to isolate you from family or friends.
- Monitors where you go, who you call, and who you spend time with. Does not want you to
- work outside the home.
- Controls finances or refuse to share money.
- Punishes you by withholding affection.
- Expects you to ask permission.
- Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family, or your pets. Humiliates you in any way.
You may be in a physically abusive relationship if your partner has ever:
- Damaged property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.).
- Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked, or choked you.
- Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place.
- Scared you by driving recklessly.
- Used a weapon to threaten or hurt you.
- Forced you to leave your home.
- Trapped you in your home or kept you from leaving.
- Prevented you from calling police or seeking medical attention.
- Hurt your children.
- Used physical force in sexual situations.
You may be in a sexually abusive relationship if your partner:
- View women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles.
- Accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships.
- Wants you to dress in a sexual way.
- Insults you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names.
- Has ever forced or manipulated you into to having sex or performing sexual acts.
- Held you down during sex.
- Demanded sex when you were sick, tired, or after beating you.
- Hurt you with weapons or objects during sex.
- Involved other people in sexual activities with you.
- Ignored your feelings regarding sex.
More Causes For Divorce and Separation And How To Save A Marriage
- A premarital pregnancy
- No religious affiliation
- Coming from a divorced family
- Feelings of insecurity
- Lack of commitment
- Too much arguing
- Marrying too young
- Unrealistic expectations
- Lack of equality in the relationship
- Lack of preparation for marriage and much more.
Now that we have clarified the reasons for divorce, let’s talk about how to prevent and solve separation or divorce, and how to fix it.
Actionable Ways on How To Save A Marriage ASAP
- Finance – Get a steady source of income. Money is needed in any marriage.
- Less Education – Try to get yourself up to speed with what’s going on in the world. Educate yourself.
- Acceptance – Accept blames and avoids confrontations. Try not to argue with your spouse.
- Closeness Can Save A Marriage – Create time and give your partner/spouse attention. It could attention problem.
- The “Choice Guilt” – Did I Marry The Right Person? You are already married. Try your best to stay married.
- Save A Marriage By Swallowing Your Pride – YES! Swallow your pride. Treat your spouse as your partner, not a slave.
- Save A Marriage Through Privacy – Don’t let family members and friends tell you what to do. You should only get advice from certified therapist, and marriage councilors.
Save A Marriage Through Privacy
Do not seek advice from friends, family, and marriage counselors during the heated period of your marriage problems because Much of the advice people give about saving a marriage from divorce is wrong. It sounds good to the ears. It makes sense on paper but the problem is, it usually doesn’t work. Most of the advice given by friends and family has not been tested and you don’t know if it will work or not.
Sometimes expressing your feelings can be very hurtful to the other person, and if your honesty is hurtful to the other person, then it’s not honest; because it becomes insensitive, and directly damaging to the relationship. Remember to maintain your marriage problems within your spouse and yourself. Respect the marriage privacy. DO NOT INVITE A THIRD PERSON into your discussion.
There are over 2 million divorces every year.
Don’t become a statistic. If your marriage is lacking spark or you just can’t seem to get it right, let Amy Waterman help you re ignite the passion and healing in your relationship. Resolve those painful conflicts and put an end to the stony silences or awkward body language between the two of you. If you want to save your failing marriage, you need to learn how to open the lines of communication, accept differences, and save yourself the stress and pain of a marital break-up. Don’t live a lifetime of regret wishing you could have done more to save your marriage.
Save a Marriage by Swallowing Your Pride
One of you must be willing to take the bold step to start the change. Get rid of your ego and bring your diligence back. If you are the one searching for answers(male or female), then you should be the one stepping up to get things right again. Start getting things right by asking your spouse what really hurts him/her. Make sure you document what he/she is saying because you will need it to move forward. Imagine yourself as starting all over again. Ask questions about his/her does and don’t and document them.
Once you initiate the process of saving your marriage, your other half will indirectly follow suit. Remember that it does not take two to tango. One person’s effort can change the momentum of a marriage, and very often, it’s that effort that motivates the obstinate spouse to join in the process of saving the relationship.
The “Choice Guilt” – Did I Marry The Right Person?
“Many people wonder, ‘Did I marry the right person?’ But that’s the wrong question. The key to succeeding in marriage is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the person you found. Love is not a mystery. Just as there are physical laws of the universe — like gravity, which governs flight — there are also relationship laws that, depending on your behavior, dictate the outcome of your marriage. You don’t have to be ‘lucky in love.’ It’s not luck; it’s choice.”(Mort Fertel, 2016).
Closeness Can Save A Marriage
Make every moment count. Stay glued to your partner at every opportunity you have. Distance create separation and then finally, divorce.
Try your best possible not to reply your other half when you are being accused of anything because it will only lead to an argument, and argument will lead to more anger, and then more misery, and then more problems, then divorce. Get a piece of paper when your spouse is talking. Write down thing that she’s saying and create an actionable list around her request. Do all you can to listen and work upon your actionable list.
Last of all, when it comes to how to save a marriage, particularly after something as serious as an affair, you must make every effort to try to understand the impact this may have on your spouse. You have broken your vows and shattered trust. She is likely going to be angry and hurt for a while and may withdraw from you or even need some time apart from you. The more accepting and supportive you are of her needs, the better. You will need to show her that you are truly sorry in order to start rebuilding the relationship.
On this note, when it comes to how to save a marriage after an affair, or for whatever reason, there is no easy answer. But if you use the above as a guide, you at least have a chance to start repairing what has been damaged. There will be much work ahead, but many marriages do survive, and some become stronger as a result. If you are interested in learning more about how to save a marriage, let Amy Waterman show you how.
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