If your marriage is in crisis and you or your spouse are thinking that a divorce is your only option, you need to realize that it doesn’t always have to be. To stop marriage divorce it is very important that you understand that what seems impossible, hopeless, and irreconcilable today may not seem that way tomorrow. But in order to gain some perspective and begin working towards a different solution, there are several things you can do.
One of the first things you can do is to write down all the positive things about your marriage. This may be particularly difficult if you are really angry, hurt, upset, or bitter towards your spouse. But if you can take a little time and temporarily set those emotions aside, you may be surprised at how many good things you can find that will make you want to stop marriage divorce.
It is often said that what we focus on expands. Chances are, you’ve spent so much time focusing on the negative aspects of your marriage for so long, that you have totally lost sight of all the good things. Not to mention, if you have already filed for a divorce, it is human nature to search for everything we can to justify the decision that was made. Recognize that tendency and determine to come up with a long list of all the things you love and appreciate about your spouse as well as your life together. They are there. If they weren’t, you would have never gotten married in the first place.
After you have made that list, make a second list where you write down all the negative elements that accompany a divorce. In addition to the financial toll it will likely take, it will also affect your children, be very stressful for you, and result in many other losses as well. As both of these lists grow, you may very well start thinking that to stop marriage divorce is a much better plan than going through with it.
Now that you have made those two lists, make a third list. This time include all the ways in which you have been contributing to or creating problems in your marriage. Sometimes people who are considering divorce tend to focus on all their spouse’s shortcomings while refusing to consider their own. Sadly, if you never bother to consider your own relationship flaws, you are going to take them with you right into the next relationship. It is better to stop marriage divorce now than end up in the same situation with someone new a few years from now.
Don’t be surprised if you wake up one day and feel like you are recreating your previous relationship. Without taking inventory and making some hard changes, you will tend to keep attracting the same type of partner and have the same types of conflicts. Wouldn’t it make more sense to work on yourself now, in this relationship, if at all possible? Once you make this list, determine what some of the steps are that you can take to break the problematic patterns that come from you. Making positive changes is a great way to stop marriage divorce but it shows your spouse that you are aware of your shortcomings and are willing to work on them.
Last of all, encourage your partner (gently, don’t pressure!) to make similar lists of his or her own. Doing an exercise like this and discussing what you discovered can be a small step towards getting back on track. If you truly want to stop marriage divorce, start putting some thought into these lists and then go from there. You may be surprised at what you find in the process!